Not All Handjob Movies Are Made The Same

Teen Handjobs 2 from Defiance Films is a shining example of why porn whores should not be allowed to "direct" porn movies. This film was directed by retired cum rag Taylor Rain, and she clearly had no idea what she was doing. I mean, it's a handjob movie! How hard could it be? Yet, Taylor has proven that, despite getting fucked more than 500 times on camera, she has no idea how that shit is supposed to be filmed.

Here's all you need to know: 1) Zoom in tight on the girl, and make sure you can see her hand while it's stroking the cock 2)Make sure the girl is smiling, and that she keeps talking about how much fun she's having jerking you off 3) No gay background music! 4) Make sure you have a very clear and tight shot when it's time for cum. Is that so hard? 5) Oh, yeah, and don't hire skanky bitches -- save money on "production values" and spend it on higher dollar ass. Taylor Rain misses the mark on pretty much all of those in Teen Handjobs 2.
I am a huge Jessi Summers fan, and since she retired a while back, I have been trying to catch all of her early performances. Jessi looked amazing in this one. She still had that shyness, but she stayed smiling the whole time. The girl gives an A+ handjob. I just wish I could have heard what she was saying. She was essentially drowned out by cheezy background music.

Aside from Jessi, though, there is really no one else on the DVD that is worth watching. Maybe if it was filmed a little better, and I could hear what the fuck the girls were saying, I might have gotten a little more out of some of the other scenes. I kinda doubt it, though. Donger's Rating:

A better (though hardly perfect) handjob disc would be Hand Job Honeys from Amateur District. This one is, at least, filmed the right way. HJH still suffers from some weak casting, but it is far better than Teen Handjobs2. This disc does have a couple of serious cuties, and a few of them even go beyond the call of duty and start blowing the cock, rather than just sticking to the hand. That is the sign of a girl who loves money and sex -- not just money.

Hand Job Honeys is shot in POV style which is pretty much the only way to watch a handjob movie. I mean, you're watching a girl jerking off a cock, you're jerking off your own cock, you don't need to see much more on the screen.

As far as cuteness goes, I'd give it to McKenzee Miles or Leah Wilde. I've seen Leah do a better handjob at Tugjobs.com. She got more into it there and started rubbing her ass all over the cock. For this one, she does no extra curricular rubbing or sucking. McKenzee doesn't either, but she had a fantastic, almost evil smile the whole time. It was special.

I'm giving some serious extra points to newbies Stephanie Nicole and Vanessa Lynn. Both girls could not resist the urge to suck -- especially Vanessa. I'm going make her the standout ho in this flick. But with only four strokeworthy chicks out of ten featured on this disc, the skank ratio is a little too high for a strong recommendation. Donger's Rating:

New Cassie Young DVD: So You Think You Can Squirt?

Brand new Cassie Young! So You Think You Can Squirt? has just been released by Elegant Angel. Pick it up here.

Happy Birthday To Taylor Lynn

Happy 31st birthday to blonde porn whore Taylor Lynn. Taylor was active in the jizz biz from 2002-2005, and left behind a serious amount of strokeworthy material. She was especially fond of gangbangs and anal. My favorite Taylor Lynn scenes are the two she shot for AmatuerFacials.com, but the following DVDs are also quite great: Deep Throat This #5, Fast Times at Deep Crack High #10 (with Cassie Young!!), and Young Ripe Melons #1.

Fresh Meat: Shyra Sheer

I just came across a few web scenes from a smokin' new blonde named Shyra Sheer. She's not brand new, but I can't find her on any DVDs at the moment. She has shot for the Bang Bros sites: TugJobs.com, BigTitsRoundAsses.com, and MrCamelToe.com, she did an off-the-chain scene at InTheVIP.com, plus she shot something for CumFixation.com. The BangBros stuff is all 2005, and I don't have any idea about the others. I hope she hasn't already left the biz. Her MySpace page is here, and she has a website also.

I think she is phenomenal looking, and I have thoroughly enjoyed all the stuff I have seen her in so far. She is obviously a great actor, because on her MySpace page she says, "I don't even like sex!..it's totally over-fuckin'-rated!!!" Yikes. I hope she was joking. But I guess if I were fucking her I wouldn't really care if she was into it or not.

Cassie Young Blog

I just started a brand new blog devoted exclusively to my girl, Cassie Young. The Cassie Young Blog can be found here. Obviously, Cassie will be still be featured here at What I Would Do To You, but now I can further delve into my obsession with Cassie with an entire blog about her.

Donger's Review: 'Intoxicated'

Intoxicated
(starring Devon, Charlotte Stokely, Celeste Starr, Sammie Rhodes, Alicia Alighatti, Carly Montana)
STUDIO: Digital Playground (2005)
For as long as I have been watching her on screen, I have been waiting for the day when Devon's cute, little rump would finally get penetrated in a proper way. With Intoxicated, that day is finally here. Unfortunately, this monumental moment in the world of porn finds itself inside a total piece of shit, boring, couples-oriented film.

Intoxicated is a good example of what I thought Digital Playground was all about: lavish sets, exotic locations, tons of slow motion, overly dramatic facial expressions on the "actors," and a sexual energy that barely even registers. It's almost as bad as an Andrew Blake movie! I'm glad I discovered DP's various "gonzo" lines, otherwise I would have nothing to do with this company (despite them having some of the hottest girls in adult working for them). Even more disappointing is the fact that this film was directed by Celeste (who used to be late 90s porn slut Bunny Luv). I would have thought that Bunny/Celeste would have known how to make a more exciting porno. I guess I was wrong.

Like I said, though, DP does get some seriously fine whores to be in their movies. Unfortunately, in Intoxicated, three of the hottest girls just do solo masturbation scenes. Three solo scenes?! Who could watch that much of a girl dildoing herself in slow motion? What a total waste of tape. Besides Devon (who is featured in four scenes, including yet another solo masturbation scene), only Alicia Alighatti and Charlotte Stokely actually get fucked.

Alicia's scene was very mediocre. She's a beautiful woman and she took a decent facial, but all of the same criticisms still apply.

Charlotte Stokely looked the best I've ever seen her in this movie. She did some pseudo-bondage type of stuff before giving a pretty hot blowjob. That was a brief highlight of the disc. Still, it does not begin to capture just how great Charlotte can be in the right context.

So it all comes down to Devon. She is featured in four scenes, but really only two are worth mentioning. In the movie's opening scene, Devon gets her feet fucked and jizzed on. That was unusual. And then, in the final scene, Devon finally takes it in the ass. Though it wasn't quite the kind of ass fucking I would have given Devon (if given the chance), it was still pretty decent. She took it up the crapper in doggie, cowgirl, and reverse cowgirl. She looked amazing while doing it, and there were no condoms involved. It was a good introduction to the world of anal sex for this veteran starlet.

Despite being kind of into Devon's anal scene, the real highlight of the DVD is the behind-the-scenes feature at the end. In between takes, Devon chats it up with the cameraman while the cock is still placed firmly in her ass. They start running a "Corn Hole Timer" on the screen so viewers know exactly how long Devon's fudge was being packed. I think the timer got all the way up to 45 minutes.

But when the BTS stuff is the best a DVD has to offer, you know you are in trouble. Intoxicated is historical because of Devon's first anal, but she has been in so many other, better discs, that unless you are some sort of completest, I'd forget about this one. Donger's rating:

Who's On Donger's Screen Today?

I spent some quality time with the pint-sized porn slut Aubrey Addams' scene for Big Mouthfulls. I think Aubrey could become the next Teagan Presley. She totally reminds me of Teagan when she first started out -- little girl voice, tiny frame, massive sexual appetite. All she needs is a boob job!

Behind the Jizm #15

Behind the Jizm #14

Donger's Review: 'Whore Gaggers #5'

Whore Gaggers #5
(starring Jenny Hendrix, Eva Angelina, Eve Lawrence, Mason Storm, Sierra Sinn, Max, Vanilla Sky, Layla Leighton, Anastazia Delani)
STUDIO: Anarchy Films (2005)
I tell ya, there is some crazy porn out there, folks. Most of the extreme stuff I stay away from since I'm not into bondage or violence or any of that shit. It's just not sex to me. But lately, I must admit, I have been getting pretty into face fucking or more "aggressive" types of blowjob videos. I like the website Throated.com, and find it incredibly hot when a girl lets you shove your dick down to her tonsils. I don't think any women really like this type of thing; it is just one more in the long line of bizarre fetishes that porn girls lets us freaks indulge in. However, it is undeniable that one element of the appeal of this type of stuff is the humiliation of the woman. I mean, you are asking a women to, essentially, let you use her mouth the same way you'd use her ass. You just want to stick it in as far and as fast as you can. "Just open up wide, baby, and take it!" If the girl starts gagging or whatever, so be it.

But I'm not a psychologist, so I don't need to sit here and analyze why I am so turned on by watching whores get their faces torn up by a large cock. I just am. I must learn to deal with it. The problem with videos of this nature, I have learned, is that many of the top shelf porn hos do not like making them. So you are stuck watching B and C-List "starlets" getting their throats pounded. It really limits the appeal for me, so when I saw that one of my favorites, Jenny Hendrix, did a scene for Whore Gaggers, I jumped on it.

Whore Gaggers #5 was released in 2005, so this was shot while Jenny was more of an active porn ho and still trying to make a name for herself. She is pretty part-time now. Back then she would try shit like this (hell, she even tried anal in her first ever scene). But I digress...Aside from Jenny Hendrix, the only other decent girls on the DVD are Eva Angelina and Eve Lawrence. This makes the skank quotient on the disc very high. It is hardly worth my time or yours to review the entire disc. Suffice to say, 70% of the film features ugly crack whores getting humiliated by being forced to swallow enormous erections. It wasn't really very erotic to me, but it was educational. The scenes exemplified some of the various ways to gag a whore. I have presented an abridged dictionary for you.

I hope this helps you out. I certainly have a few things to try.

But really, the only scene I really liked was the one with Jenny Hendrix. She looked super adorable as she stripped down and did her pre-gagging interview. Her scene was not too extreme, really. Her face got fucked -- no question -- but most of the time Jenny was just giving a great no-hands-allowed hummer. This was hardly my favorite Jenny Hendrix scene, but I am glad that I have it.

Though I like Eva Angelina, her scene wasn't too memorable. I've seen her give better head plenty of times. The Eve Lawrence scene is notable because she is joined by Eva Angelina for a brief period. That is the only time there is more than one girl in any scene.

Due to the very high skank quotient, I can't really recommend this DVD. If you are a Jenny Hendrix fan, I'd say get it. Otherwise, you need to really like the whole "humiliate a whore" thing (no matter what she looks like) to get much out of this. Donger's rating: